Us Magazine wants me to imagine a double date between Jay, Bey, Kim and ‘Ye. Game on**.
**Featuring lyrics from the songs of the aforementioned artists, and musings from KK’s twitter feed.
Jay and Beyonce sit at a table at a fancy resturaunt. The Maitre’d approaches the table. Jay hands him a stack of cash.
Jay: 10 mintues after they arrive come to the table explaining that Auntie Solange is on the phone and Blue Ivy has a fever.
Maitre’d: This is 50 grand.
Jay: What’s 50 grand to a muthafucka like me/can you please remind me?
Maitre’d: That shit cray.
The Maitre’d walks away.
Beyonce: Mission 8/While we conversate/ we can skip small talk/ and get right to the chase. Oh!
Jay: Bitch behave/just might let you meet ‘Ye
Kanye and Kim enter.
Kim: ‘Ye can we get married at the mall?
Kanye: Look you need to crawl for your ball.
Beyonce opens her menu, looks at Jay.
Jay: That shit cray.
Kanye: Ain’t it J?
Kanye looks at Beyonce.
Kanye: What she order…fish filet?
Beyonce gives ‘Ye the side eye. ‘Ye looks at Jay.
Kanye: What’s that jacket? Margiela?
Kim: I think I’m gonna try chat roulette! Anyone on?!
Beyonce:You make me wanna throw my pager out the window/tell MCI to cut the phone pole. You a bug a boo.
Kim: Huh?
Beyonce: You’re buggin’
Kim: What?
Beyonce: You’re buggin’ me/and don’t you see it ain’t cool
Kanye texts Kim. Kim picks up phone and reads aloud.
Kim: Meet you in the bathroom stall/and show me why U deserve to have it all
Beyonce: It’s to the left.
Kim: Huh?
Beyonce: The bathroom. TO THE LEFT.
Kim gets up and goes to the bathroom.
Kanye: She got an ass that could swallow up a g-string
Beyonce: …and on top two bee stings.
Jay: If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son/I got 99 problems
Beyonce: But a bitch ain’t one.
Kanye: She in the bathroom/dancing all sleazy/I get calls like/where are you Weezy?
Kim comes back.
Kim: Wow can’t believe that Season 7 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians will debut in May!!! Dolls, can u believe its been 7 seasons!
Jay: Ladies is pimps too/ Go on brush your shoulders off.
The Maitre’d approaches.
Maitre’d: Auntie Solaris is on the phone. Green Fern has a fever.
Beyonce: At…LAAAAAASSSSSSST.
